i was writing my ten-page research paper on eating disorders when, instead of writing, i start thinking. and for some reason, i think a lot about  the missions trip i went to in 2005 to the crow native american reservation in Montana. i think about that trip and that place a LOT, especially lately. it was one of the greatest trips i've ever been on. my youth group went, with three other churches in the area. we drove in vans from Minnesota- longgg drive.  there was about 25 or 30 of us- my mom went with, which at the time, i hated, but looking back i am soo glad i got to experience that with her. 

we did the typical missions trip thing- building/painting/working on houses and  playing with kids but for some reason it just had a huge impact on me, whether i knew that at the time or not.  i think not. but now, i'm noticing it. the reservation was all really run-down and poor looking, it seemed like it was a different country. the houses were really small and in bad condition, there were a bunch of dirty dogs and a few poor-looking stores and the like. so we painted up those houses and fixed broken things. but the part that really hit me and still affects me today, was the kids. we got to eat lunch with them at their school, which by the way, if you think your schools food is bad, you got nothin on this place. but it was soo fun to eat with them cause ALL of them wanted us to sit with them. they'd like pull our hands and sit us down in the chair next to them. and from there we got to walk them down to the park and there we would do our Bible school thing or whatever it was. i was on the game team so we got to come up with fun things to do. we thought up stuff like freeze tag or red rover but when the time came for the games, the kids were too busy hugging us or hanging on us or playing with us- they LOVED the fact that they had people that would play with them. they just wanted to be loved. so many native americans work constantly or struggle with depression or alcoholism and they have no time for their kids. 

they just wanted to be loved.

i remember this boy, his name was Ponyboy. yes, like the guy from the Outsiders. but he was little, probably 4 or 5,and he had short hair and a little braid down the back. but he was always hanging on me. if i wasnt holding him, he would come up from behind and grab onto my neck and jump on my back. painful at times but it just showed me just how much they crave attention and just kindness. my heart hurts for them, for the neglected.

so my big dream, here it is, is to start a summer camp on an indian reservation. i know its a long shot and i wouldnt even know where to start but i am soo passionate about kids and the native american culture and i love learning about it all. native americans have such cool history and an incredible culture, a lot of it has gotten lost over the years but it is still amazing to me. they need God there just as much as any third world country and i want to prepare myself to bring it to them. i mean come on, all those kids want is to be loved and paid attention to. if i can make this camp happen and if only one kid comes and has a great time, then i will be happy. 

as of now, the only thing i can do is pray. and i am praying. and slowly and surely, i will be working towards that camp.